i stay up just late enough until I'm exhausted enough and i can force myself to sleep. i can't stand to lie in bed and in a dark room alone with my thoughts. i hate this situation so much. how can i survive each night without crying? i've been keeping myself busy as busy as hell and stop thinking about it. but it useless. it ended up crying when i go to bed. yes, I'm tired but it's not all from lack of sleep. I'm tired of waking up with nothing to look forward to, tired with everything around me. tired of this void, this emptiness and loneliness that presses down on me even though I'm surrounded by dozens of people. but who actually cares anyway. it makes my life seem pointless. maybe i'm not okay today and i might not be tomorrow. i really fucked it up this time, didn't i my dear?
PS : i just want you to know that i try my hardest everyday.
Dewi Novita Sari